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Why would I know already?

[And then it clicks.]

Holy crap. That's how Kaine is your brother even though you're an only child.

Isn't it?

[Jeez there's way more clones than he even thought. ~~And he doesn't know the half of it.~~]

A guy that works for my stepfather and helped my wife with her case. His name is Reilly Tyne.

[It's unspoken how he thinks that Reilly looks just like Peter too. Which, of course, is making the wheels in his head turn all over again.]

Oh yeah, I remember Spider-Woman from when I was younger. Not going to lie I thought she was Auntie M for a bit once I found out who you really were. You guys disappeared around the same time, after all.

Hang on, you're an Avenger?!?

Also, man I thought May's life was complicated. I see where she gets it from.

[ So Peter can't keep MC2 Jessica Drew and Julia Carpenter straight. He's met a lot of spiders! But anyway: ]

Wait wait wait hold the phone.
You didn't know Ben and Kaine were my clones? How did you not know this?

[ And... shoot. Some secrets aren't his to tell -- but the chances of Reilly showing up again are pretty small, and Normie won't remember once he goes home anyway, so does it matter? No, of course he can't tell. Oh god. ]

Reilly Tyne? He was here for a while too. Never noticed much resemblance between him and Jess.

I can't decide whether it's cuter that you thought MJ was Spider-Woman or that you call her Auntie M.

Why wouldn't I be an Avenger?!

Because Kaine back home won't ever talk about himself, and the Kaine that was here found it funny or something to keep me in the dark. Hang on, and May's Uncle Ben?

[Oh my god that explains so much.]

Just how many clones do you have, Peter? Because that makes 3 across two universes. Mr. Tyne was here? Really? And how could you not see the similarities there? I only thought it briefly. I ruled that thought out real fast. Because you never were back home, and gave May a lot of guff when she joined.

Edited 2015-11-19 01:46 (UTC)

That sounds like Kaine.

[ It doesn't, really, but the likely alternative is that Kaine didn't trust Normie, and they hardly need to get into that now. But who knows, maybe Kaine showed another side to his quasi-nephew-once-removed. ]

May's Uncle Ben.
Plus Kaine, Jess, and... that I know of, four others. I think Jess mentioned not being the only clone in her universe, though.

Yeah, he was here for a while -- a couple of years, even. Always thought of him more as following in Matt Murdock's footsteps, though.

Why would I give May a lot of guff about being an Avenger? It's a real honor, and knowing she had backup has to have made a difference to the whole "my kid is a superhero risking her neck in all the ways I risked my own neck when I was a kid" issue.

[Normie knew that about Kaine. He's being polite.]

...That's got to be a world record or something. I should call Guinness.

I could absolutely see that. He's very serious about his career in law. You know he works for my dad, right? My step-dad, rather. Franklin Nelson.

[Though this talk about Matt is making the wheels turn again. He's always thought something was up with Reilly Tyne and that's not helping.]

From what I can tell of your relationship, "giving May guff" was your official job description. The other Peter took her webshooters away practically every other week. Though if he didn't take them that one time, we'd never be friends so I can't say I'm not grateful.

Or that I never sided with his way of thinking.

I swear one of her superpowers is super-reformation. She never really built up much of a rogues gallery, because she made most of us turn away from that way of life. That and her extensive support system--she also re-founded the New Warriors--usually keeps her grounded.

Then there are those times she runs off on her own and takes down Apox the Omega Skrull. Twice.

[Normie Osborn: President and Founder of the Spider-Girl Fan Club.]

I guess that was a really long-winded way of saying she's got this. But they're her parents and they care about her. Worrying's part of the job, no matter how capable she is. I know how good she is and even I have trouble watching her from the sidelines sometimes.

Foggy Nelson is your step-dad? Oh, that's right... he and Liz did date for a while in my universe, I think.
How is your mom doing these days?

She took down a super-Super Skrull? Twice? That's *amazing*. No pun intended.

[ Also ironic, considering the Skrull Invasion incident. Not that Peter really wants to think about that ever again. ]

But she never failed to impress me while we were in the City together. I can't claim any kind of credit, but I was proud of her. Still am.

BUt with all the timeline stuff she was more like a younger cousin or something than... my alternate kid. Maybe it'd be different if I raised her, or if I'd been "laid off" myself instead of still being in the business. Or choosing to quit.

Well in mine they married back when I was still a kid.

[There's a really, really long pause between this message and the next.]

She died late last year. Cancer.

[The next text comes almost immediately after the last. Normie doesn't want to dwell on that topic.]

It was technically an OMEGA Skrull (he kept yelling it so there must be some distinction there), but yes. I would say "Spectacular," "Astonishing," and "Sensational" would also apply here.

I know the feeling well.

And that makes sense. I mean you're what, 25 here? 26? The age gap between you two isn't that large, and like you said, you didn't raise her. I don't think anyone would expect you to act like her father. Sure he's A Peter Parker, but the multiverse is a big place, right?

Oh no, Liz.
I'm so sorry, Normie.

[ He would say more, but then Normie's next text comes and he decides to follow his lead. ]

I know she has a lot of other friends and family and teammates, but I'm glad you're there for her, Normie.

...But have you gotten an eye exam recently? Because you're almost ten years out.

Edited 2015-11-25 03:29 (UTC)

Thanks, Peter.

I'm fine.

[He's not fine, but one day he will be.]

I

[Crap. Hit enter instead of delete by mistake. There's another long pause as Normie types and promptly deletes his responses. Finally:]

I don't do much. It's all her.

I refuse to believe you're 35.

Edited 2015-11-25 03:51 (UTC)

[ Yeah, Peter's been there. ]

Still. It means a lot, especially with our family history.

I'm 33.

I'd be dead if it wasn't for her. Helping her out here and there is the least I coudld do to repay that.

I refuse to believe that either.

She didn't help you as a quid pro quo.

What's so hard to believe?!

I know that, believe me, I know, but it doesn't change my feelings on the matter. I am eternally grateful to and for her.

Because that's old and you don't look old.

[ Yeah okay they'll have to talk about family business more at some point or another but MEANWHILE: ]

How am I old? You've already met old Peter. He's *your* Peter.

Yeah but that's kind of my point! He's my dad's best friend. He's ALWAYS looked old to me!

He's probably only, what, ten years older than me at the most? How is he old? Old is like... Aunt May.

Wait, do you remember Aunt May?

[ He might not, depending. SUDDEN FEELS. ]

Have you never had anyone growing up that's just always been an adult? That they just always look old to you?

[Because Normie finds that incredibly hard to believe.

...Ah crap.]

A little bit. I remember going over to her house a couple of times when I was younger.

[ Nice one, Normie. Luckily, Peter doesn't seem to notice. ]

Well, sure, but Uncle Ben was old enough to be my dad's dad, not his brother (don't ask me how that worked) so by the time Ben and May took me in they were already getting up there in age. At least compared to "your" me.

I'm glad. She always liked you. Well, likes.

Edited 2015-12-12 01:21 (UTC)

Your aunt and uncle couldn't have been the only adults in your life.

Of course she did. I was an adorable kid.

Close enough. We had a quiet life. I didn't realize it at the time, but Aunt May's health problems kind of made it hard for her to get out and meet people. There was Anna Watson, though -- our neighbor, MJ's aunt. You've probably heard the story so I won't repeat it.

You are the only person I've met who made pulling Spider-Man's head off seem cute and endearing, it's true.

No teachers, no nobody?

[He bites back a comment about how he knew Aunt Anna.]

Let me guess, it ends in "Face it, Tiger, you hit the jackpot."

Not my proudest moment.

[Starts to type "but I thought you'd killed my dad," but quickly deletes it. He figures Peter would take that the wrong way.]

Oh. Well, Mr. Warren, I guess. He was my mentor in high school, but we lost touch a few years after I graduated.
(He was Miles Warren's brother, so, you know... awkward.)

So we do use that story to hideously embarrass our kids with? Glad to hear the Parker legacy's in good hands.

You were barely more than a toddler. I didn't take it personally.

[ Which isn't to say it didn't sting, but... ]

Edited 2015-12-17 00:40 (UTC)

[Peter sends the name Miles Warren like Normie should know who he is, so he chalks it up to someone his grandfather either worked with or knew. Or maybe his dad. ~~Didn't you learn he missed the journal explaining the clones?~~]

Maybe, but he should hardly be held accountable for his brother's actions.

Not that I can say I've kept in contact with any of my teachers either, and none of them had evil brothers.

That I know of.

Pretty much. Heck, even May says "Face it, Tiger" and "Jackpot" every once in a while.

Still, if I could go back and change it, I would.

I didn't say accountable, I said awkward. It's not like we were ever really close.

[ Plus Peter already has his ambiguous quasi-familial relationship with the Osborns AND the Jamesons; he doesn't need to be adding the Warrens to the mix. ]

I'm surprised she doesn't respond to MJ's and my catchphrases the way we did to May and Anna's. What's new, pussywillow?

(Yeah, I know. I've tried to explain.)

Norman, I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but chill. If I have to I'll institute a family rule for no self-flagellation over events occurring before one's fifteenth birthday.

No offense, that's probably the lamest thing I've ever heard

Oh good, that leaves for plenty of things to self-flagellate over

[He means for that to sound jokey, even if it is 100% true.]

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fine, enshrine my continuity error forever

you never asked me to delete my reply :P

true true

<3?

(Skrull May died)

D:

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